Tonight I received a very thoughtful comment on my post, Sophisticated Coffee & Bulimia, one to which a younger Nicole would have engaged into debate, likely spiraling into something that felt heavy, uncomfortable, and completely against my value system. Time is currently 10:44PM, and I have just completed my aggressive cardio for the day, thusly my brain is clear and I can comment, rationally. At my blog. Communicating my thoughts, in a smooth manner. Here is the lovely comment sequence:
Just in case you cannot see the image, I shall type the dialogue here:
Isabelle Bédard: “I thought yoga less focused on the body and performance (the need to show a slim and muscular body resulting from a little obsessive training). Having had significant eating disorder, I am aware of the need to show all the control I exert on my body… but sincerely, my obsessive training is only a symptom of a deeper need…”
Nicole Marie Story: “my obsessive training is a resultant of my requirement of perfection, and i love it. 🤩 i am sorry to read that you existed with eating disordered practises and hope that you have found a peaceful place like i have done. ♥️“
Isabelle Bédard: “i found it but no need to show it. Don’t get me wrong i’m as obsessed, but conscious that is a little too much for other people. It just confirms what I believe…but yoga is not about perfection it is about peace and letting go. Find peace and harmony not performance and perfection. Truly, i do respect your way, just need to say it, gently…sincerely.”
Nicole Marie Story: “😊♥️ i truly appreciate your comment and that we can share our differences and similarities honestly and openly. it is liberating.”
And then she ended it with a very sweet adorable emoji. I am smiling.
So the reason for this post, is to state that I practice yoga ON MY TERMS. There is no comparison to anything in this world. Yoga is my soul. Once upon a time, it was practiced in a reckless manner. It took handicapping of my body, it took finding Peloton, it took so much hard work and hustle to yield the yoga that I have today. My yoga? Why do I practice it? I practice because it permits me to express my young Nicole intense beloved ballerina training, in a medically philosophically spiritually proven manner. Ashtanga yoga is calculated and beautiful. When I practice lotus, I am massaging my spleen (and working out last night’s martini, hehe). When I backward bending in the secondary series, I am stimulating my nervous system. When I am practicing headstand, I am igniting the agni fire. I am keeping everything inside, because of Ashtanga yoga, as healthy. And it makes me feel happy. And high. And clean. And perfect.
When I practice yoga, never once does “the aesthetic of my body” cross my mind yet this commenter Isabelle suggested, passively aggressively, defensively, otherwise. Why does one judge another? It’s simply unnecessary. But I get it, too.
I am aggressive with my Peloton work means that I am aggressive with my yoga? No way, José.
Because of Peloton, I can breathe in my yoga practice. So when Isabelle writes, “Find peace and harmony not performance and perfection,” I smile, because to me, peace and harmony IS PERFECTION. And to live aggressively with Peloton with a dash of euphoric yoga makes my heart dance in pirouettes of grandeur.
No two yoga practices are the same. I look forward to the day of sipping drinks with my yoga girls of Instagram, discussing our individual rituals as related to yoga. It is personal. It is lovely. It is us.