OVER THE MOON.
Simply over the moon!
And that’s a ballsy thing for a rational thinker to announce because, as we all know, I’m not physically over the moon; rather, I am spiritually. And that’s such a marvelous, happy state in which to exist!! On this eve of my fourth anniversary of blogging, I am writing this post, “where am i with eating, drinking, juicing and exercising?” because it’s important to me. It’s important to me for you to understand.
Consider this a sister post to “how i lost 20 pounds since february.”
If you know anything about anything, you know that losing weight means nothing unless it’s done healthfully, mindfully, and with love. You can be a stick and trapped in your skin. And you can be a huge balloon, likewise trapped in your skin. I know. I’ve weighed between 89 pounds and 181 pounds during the past 16.5 years. Up and down and all around. But for the sake of today’s post, let’s talk of more recent times.
This came into my Facebook news feed the other day. A picture of four years ago. 2011. Wearing my divine size zero fish shorts.
I looked great, right? What you don’t see is that I exercised like a maniac: cardio yoga three hours plus daily plus walking of my dog for many hours beyond that! What you also don’t see is that I was DRUNK immediately after this picture was taken. And malnourished. Daily, I ate two highly processed KIND bars for breakfast followed by martinis by noon by Starbucks pomegranate cashews at 4pm by a bottle of wine at nine with sushi. I was in a verrrrrrrrry bad place, but the size zero shorts and my skinny body meant the world to me. And then I got fat, and it was a fight to fit into those dear shorts that had meant so much to me. I totally lost the fight. Bigger than a house, 2013…
I wrote a bunch of very negative blog posts, creating manic diet plans by the names of “Project Lollipop” and “Project Rail Thin” just to encourage myself to restrict, over-exercise, and whittle back into those itty bitty fish shorts.
And the whittling never happened. I was a regular, soft, non-athletic American girl.
Then I started this new blog. The yoga blog. Eradicating the lifestyle of manic dieting ugliness, I sought to find the beautiful yoga that I thought I knew, only I found
Friends. Ashtanga. Juicing. Food. Bicycling. Tae Bo. Thin Body. Health!
And a full refrigerator!
Yes, folks, for those of you who have followed me since the early days of ending the bulimia, I now keep food in my house, something I never imagined doing in my life, in a healthy manner. I’ve only been to Whole Foods twice in the past week. How weird! And REFRESHING.
I’ve practiced yoga every single day since March 10, ashtanga yoga specifically every single day since April 26. That’s 39 days of ashtanga after tonight’s practice. I don’t go to bed without practicing ashtanga. I don’t have a drink without practicing ashtanga. And, I set my alarm for 3am to 5am, depending upon my schedule, to fit-in cardio with Billy or the bicycle, and now Jane Fonda in the mix!
And, I never ever ever ever ever imagined these size zero fish shorts would fit again. In fact, I thought they’d been purged to Goodwill until I found them one day, a few months ago when they zipped! And now? I can’t wear them beyond an hour without them falling off of my happy hips!!
But see, here’s the difference… nowadays, I live. I eat. I exercise A LOT, but not so much that it’s my life. It’s rather my beloved, passionate, extracurricular activity, well one of them! I drink moderately, no longer like a fish (fish are reserved for my shorts! and my sashimi specials, hehe). AND, I juice twice weekly. For the past three weeks, I’ve done 3 days – 2 days – 2 days… and I’m already excited for next week’s two days of filling my body with beautiful chlorophyll! How thrilling to rest my digestive organs to allow cells to regrow and to be happy! And how thrilling to have control on cleanse day two when I’m super hungry but can’t reach into the refrigerator for a tofu burrito because I’m so disciplined.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that in my four years of blogging, although my voice has changed from one of desperation to one of lightness, my message hasn’t: Don’t judge a book by its cover. There’s a total deception in pictures, sometimes. The smiley me of 2011 was suffocating. I didn’t menstruate. I had shortness of breath and felt like my heart wasn’t getting the oxygen that it needed. Now I’m even thinner, those size zero fish shorts are huge on me, and I’m menstruating and breathing like an astronaut. 🙂
And guess what. Someone else lost weight, too, and she’s behaving like a PUPPY again.
We’re off to practice ashtanga!
Have a good day, and namaste!