I know that I’m a little late to the Uber game, but I have fair reason. It is that I live in Pittsburgh with wheels and my human bff named Becky doesn’t permit me to get into an Uber after cocktails because she doesn’t trust unknown drivers with my care. Becky Uber is all the rage here, ha! But, this past week, I had the great privilege of visiting Chicago which required Uber to everywhere unreachable in reasonable walking distance. AND LET ME PLEASE EXCLAIM OF THE FOLLOWING! How do I love Uber, let me please count the ways! In fact, I love Uber so very muchly that I wish wish wish that I had recorded my interactions with the drivers because these recordings would serve as AMAZING podcast material. Well, I shall have future opportunities.

Yes, last week, Gwendolyn and I had the GREAT PRIVILEGE of having our hearts pirouette in Chicago. Pirouetting Hearts all day, all night, all week. We are so grateful for every moment spent in the dazzling Windy City. In addition to our formal companion who shall remain as anonymous, we visited with my sister and her husband and their children and friends from Brazil – it was a dream, and I am so grateful.

Grateful to Pluto and back.

But the purpose of this blog post is to tell you about my Uber drivers.

Driver One, Muhammad, #V580757: He fetched us from the airport. Mid 50s (I estimate). Pink silk dress garb. We car-pooled, and I needed to break the Uber ice after many minutes of silence. “So, Muhammad, for how long have you worked for Uber?” He replied that he’s driven for Uber since October, and it is his job for three to five hours in the morning after dropping his daughter at school. He also owns a grocery store which he then tends to until midnight. OMG. I answered, “WOA. So you’re a HUSTLER.” And the entire car exploded with laughter. Ha ha ha! Muhammad impressed me madly.

Driver Two, David, #AM74723, TERRIBLE. We entered his vehicle, with a $90 estimated fee because we needed to reach my sister in the suburbs, and he said, after traveling for one block, “I NEED TO BE HOME BY 2PM. DO YOU MIND IF I CANCEL YOUR RIDE?” Manny say what?! I didn’t get a good vibe from him so agreed when he agreed to cancel the fee. Well, after he sped off, I was charged $5. I disputed it, and Uber quickly offered a credit. David was no bueno. But I am good with that because our revised driver was AMAZING!!!!!!!!!

Driver Two, Revised, Tuvshinsanaa, #764262, AMAZING. The best. First class service. In fact, if I win the Powerball, I’d like to hire this man as my permanent driver. As you might know, I do not agree with the immigration lottery. But, this gentleman, aged 29, won the lottery in Mongolia. He is an exception to the lottery immigration standard. He lived in D.C. for the past two years and moved to Chicago just last week. His family owns 1,500 horses in Mongolia – where they eat horse and sheep meat. And he is hoping to earn his U.S. citizenship in the next three years. He said that he has a “Dal-Ma-Teen” in Mongolia. I replied, “A Dalmatian?” Ha ha ha! Yes, it was correct. I think that I am a good translator of Mongolian to English, yes? 🙂 He was kind, smart, and interesting. He talked to Gwendolyn. Also he thought that I was 19. Big points.

Driver Three, Fernando, #E129241, he was a GENTLEMAN in his 50s. Respectful. Kind. Divine music. Very clean car. Ride was 45 minutes to the suburbs. And he ensured that Gwendolyn and I were safe when exiting the vehicle. I am grateful.

Driver Four, Abdul Affan, #N500424, this was a shortie ride. He was very nice and professional. Might be 23-years of age. So young. Very good job.

Driver Five, Iulie, #Q864283, HAAA! This woman could hold a dinner conversation for days! She makes you laugh and think. When I discovered that she is a Russian immigrant, she said, “I do not use my full Russian accent when driving Uber. BUT NOW I CAN USE IT FOR YOU.” And in that last sentence, she used heavy thick Russian, and I was completely entertained! She told me that in Russia, they eat horse and sheep meat, like in Mongolia, although horse meat is illegal but so very tasty! I told her that I haven’t consumed meat except for raw fish since 1999 (and occasional cooked fish and one accidental filet on my first date with Mr. Bikram!!). And she said, “What?! You born before 1999? YOU LOOK 19 YEARS OLD!!” I don’t know if these Uber drivers say such amazing things to earn tips, but if I were an Uber tipper, she would have gotten one. Rather I gave her a divine rating and hope to see her again!

Driver Six, Armin, #AQ6053, terrible! I waited for five minutes, and I literally watched him drive past me and Gwendolyn. I called him, and it sounded like he was sleeping! He said that he’d arrive in one minute. One minute later, and the driver canceled the ride, charging me $5. Uber quickly refunded that when I submitted complaint. Instead of calling another Uber, Gwendolyn, our companion, and I had tea at a cafe, followed by a two-mile trek to our destination. It was glorious!

Driver Seven, Lithia, #Q650440, we clicked immediately. This was a 6am drive to the airport, and she could not have been a better treat to end our trip. She told me that her house recently caught fire, and her cat, Mr. Kitty, awoke her sleeping 31-year old daughter, saving her life. But Mr. Kitty (his real name) did not make it, as he darted when the fire fighters entered the house. The house doors were closed, and Mr. Kitty was trapped. When the landlord finishes the rebuild, Lithia and her daughter will post a beautiful placard in the memory of Mr. Kitty on the fence that is being built around the house. Also Lithia prefers women passengers and totally discriminates, and she is boss about that. And that’s what’s so cool about Uber – you can pick and choose your clients. Lithia is African American, 61-years old, feisty, smart, and kind. Thank you, Lithia!

And thank you, Uber! Gwendolyn and I look forward to our next grand experience with you. 🙂

Namaste.