Good morning! Recently I have written much on why I spent four months restoring the old blog work, on my reservations on doing so, and on my decision to simply go all in. Today that decision made my heart dance when I bumped into a neighbour who exclaimed, “I read your blog! You are a beautiful writer! You will inspire so many people. You had me crying! And laughing! And that letter to your parents!…” And then she embraced me into a ginormous hug. Wow. I was blown away. This woman is the kind of lady who takes away your breath – tiny, fierce, vibrant, dog-lover, smart, and oh so pretty. When she proclaimed this excitement for my work, my jaw dropped. The jaw of my heart dropped, too. In the most amazing way imaginable.
But I was already feeling high. Coming off of an 80s ride with Jennifer Jacobs of Peloton (riding with my yoga sister Hélène in Quebec), I was onto the next great part of my day. This is how I feel all day long. All night long. High. Excited. It’s been like this for nearly two years, ever since joining the Peloton community. Peloton was definitely the missing part of my cocktail.
I wore my leg warmers for the ride, of course!
That said, in addition to restoring this blog for the purpose of motivating others living with eating disorders, I found myself harvesting passionate desire to write again. And I couldn’t write again unless I had the entire map in place, so I restored the blog.
What is such a compelling subject that motivated me to restore the blog because it deserves space on the internet? It is the other side, about when my heart is so sad that it hurts. It is very rare that I am sad. But it happened a few times this year, and I want to discuss two of those moments here.
The first happened when Gwendolyn had cancer. Her health suddenly existed outside of my control, and it was the saddest four weeks of our lives. I wrote about it: Floppy Ears and Crocodile Tears. We got through it, and she was a complete warrior.
The second happened when the PowerBall jackpot reached, I believe, $700 million. I watched the news conference where the winner, a 50-something with not-so-eloquent-of-speech, chomped gum and answered questions in the manner of an unrefined lady. And I was so happy for her! My mind immediately ran wildly on the amazing things that she could do with that money. She could start a vegan fast food empire – ha, that is my dream, so she best not. Well, I rescind that. I like competition. And of course I’ll be the best. She could create a military-style institute for people looking to annihilate their eating disorder. Wait, that’s my dream, too. Or, she could create an animal rescue league that is so very beautiful! Wait, … okay, you are getting my point. These are items that I want to do. And as I began dreaming of these amazing opportunities, the media asked about her work. They asked about her profession and if she would be reporting back to work. Her reply?
SHE CALLED OFF AND QUIT.
I was so freaking disappointed. My heart dropped into sadness to know that she is not a good steward for this money. My high opinion of her quickly turned into swampland, and I turned off the news. She needed to go away.
When I win the PowerBall, you can rest assured that all of my duties? They shall be fulfilled. In fact, not a single thing in my life will change very much because I’m so damn happy. As you can see, my heart goes up and down. It’s either completely happy or completely sad, but sad only momentarily, always. Thus, I think that in addition to my heart being the mediator between my head and hands; it is also a meter and judge of my joy factor. I truly feel the joy and its highs and lows in the pit of my heart. And I love how it does not exist in the middle. Ever. Nothing that I do or think exists in the middle. As the great Ayn Rand wrote, existing in the middle is evil.
So many amazing things happened this year, and my heart spilleth over with JOY.
And, on the subject of the PowerBall, my friend Kristin and I expect to win this weekend. In addition to the items that I listed above, she is creating a rescue foundation in the Caribbean for dogs. And I think there will be some divine shoe purchases. And David Yurman friendship bracelets. Lastly, we are starting a reality television series on our fun lives. We shall be so very entertaining.