This morning, I feel so vey chuffed! It’s no secret that I’ve maintained an online dating profile since 2001. I was one of the early match.com girls. I met Mr. Bikram on the site in 2004. I met two really good friends on that site, SA1976 and my friend Jason, in the early aughts as well. I met lots of first-only dates and weirdos on the internet. And, I met several memorable adventure dates. In fact, I once met an Englishman who flew to New York from Warwickshire, meeting me in the city that never sleeps for a weekend of fun followed by a week of cruising in the Caribbean! I was wild, once upon a time. And then I stopped the chaotic living and became a responsible human. And I haven’t had a date in over one year. Before that? It was with the same man since 2012.
It’s been a long time since I openly discussed my life with a new online match. I did this last night. I told my story to a very high quality man. And, this morning, I arrived to his breathtaking reply message reading, “I love that you overcame hardship to the point you’re helping others with your story.”
What a powerful statement to read.
Also, this morning, I received a “confession” text from a very good best friend. She told me that she’s gained back the weight that she lost, plus some, and she feels absolutely terrible about it. She used the words of “disgusting” and “disappointed.” And that just breaks my heart. But to be the confidential recipient of this information seriously makes me so honoured and privileged. I am so proud of the work that I have done, to even be considered as the person to receive her confession. Everyone knows that I’m the girl who will understand. And sometimes, that’s enough to keep one motivated to achieve one’s goals. By telling someone who gets it.
WELL LET ME TELL YOU, I totally get it!!
You know that I’ve weighed from 89 to 181 pounds, up and down the scale, more times than a human heart should be able to withstand. For 17 years of disordered eating, I was a hot mess. Here’s a snapshot from a moment during that time. 2004.
Well, here is something that you do not know. Last August, when Gwendolyn tore her cornea, someone named Nicole Marie Story developed a love affair with sugary Banana Chips!! Was it my “comfort” food, and was I eating it to deal with Gwendolyn’s pain? I don’t know. But I was convinced that they wouldn’t do harm to my body.
But then one day, in late August, MY PANTS WERE TIGHT. They could hardly zip. And then Becky sent me this picture, of our car picnic, and I wanted to crawl into a hole forever and never be seen again! I had gained some weight! Look at the tire around my waist!
This happened during the week on Instagram when I stopped posting yoga pictures. (yes I have currently not posted pictures for a week because I’ve been so completely overwhelmed with my schedule – not with fat!). This was the week when I questioned if my eating disorder had returned. This was the week when I questioned if I was a fake and baker. But instead of berating myself nonstop, instead of implementing the good ol’ Bikini Body Diet Plan take 9,000, I simply thought rationally. “If I eliminate the banana chips, if I continue with my daily fitness routine, if I don’t freak, then I should return to normal in two weeks.”
And I did return to normal in two weeks.
I would have written about this, in a hasty blog post, called, “Those F*cking Banana Chips” if my blog had not been under construction, at the time. Here’s another shot of fatso me, from that recent banana chip time period.
But my point is that the body is so delicate and also so obedient. Take it from a girl who invested 17 years in chaos. If you treat your body kindly and rationally, it will do what you wish upon it. Only when you think in such a manner can you be free from the angst associated with eating and exercising. And you deserve that! I can’t wait for my friend to report that she’s happy with her body again and I can’t wait to talk to my OkCupid match in greater detail.
I’m grateful that I have this seven-year blog documentary showing of how I crushed my eating disorder, because it is truly helping people! And that was my goal on the first day of bulimia, back on 21 August of 1999. To end the disorder and to help humans to end theirs, too. And I am doing it. Thank you for taking the time to participate in this community. I am grateful. Happy Monday, and namaste.