“thanks for liking the real me.”

sir edmund, my best male friend, replied, “huh?”

“well, i’ve never actually behaved naturally around boys.  i’ve always been quite fake.  with you, however, i talk about things that matter; and i can be quiet if i want, without feeling bad about it.”

sir edmund: “so . . . what . . . do . . . you . . . talk . . . about . . . then . . . on . . . dates?”

i was stumped at his question, unable to think of my last actual date.  then i remembered about Pug Guy from march.  we met for a drink.  at that point, i had been without bulimia for eight months, and it still didn’t seem right.  something was missing.

the date was missing the real me.  additionally, gwendolyn hates pugs (no joke), so it just wouldn’t work and was destined for failure from the start.

i told sir edmund, in response to his question, that while chatting on dates, i morph into an actress.  the entire evening is normally a whirlwind of me being witty (which i am NOT naturally) and of me sitting, prim and proper, holding a gin martini, entertaining, looking forward to when i can reunite with gwendolyn and my sparkly ballet flats, following the torture.

my ideal date involves dining at outdoor bistros, late at night, european dinner time, with my dog, the man, and his dog.  it involves bicycle riding in the french meadow, dogs in tow.  it involves viewing films at my self-created outdoor theatre, dogs snuggled at my side.  bop me in the head with a wiffle ball bat if you know of anybody who can enjoy this, too.

so, why did i agree to tonight’s date at the pub, without my dog?  the guy is super cute and nice, and we’ve conversed through match.com since january.  he’s one of few people who have commanded genuine responses from me.  so, perhaps during our drink date, which i’ve already tried to cancel twice, i will be the real me.

and truly, it’s an experiment.  can i be natural?  or will i morph into the corporate american princess, perched upon my grand acting throne, stressing myself out and banning dates for the next 11 months?  my friends think that i’m twisted for experimenting on this guy.  but, he reads me blog, so he’s been forewarned.  🙂

i already can’t wait to get home to gwendolyn.

what’s dating like for you? 

© nicole marie story and nicoleandgwendolyn.com, 2011.