Seriously. You will NEVER guess of what I did. Remember of when I wrote about preparing Essiac Tea for Gwendolyn because it’s known to shrink tumors in humans and dogs? Well, this special tea concoction involves MANY steps, including 1.) boiling of 1 gallon of H20, 2.) boiling of the added tea concoction for 10 minutes, 3.) cooling at room temperature for 12 hours, 4.) stirring, covering, and bringing to a boil, 5.) straining through a mesh colander, and 6.) storing in a glass container. LOL. Sounds simple for a regular human, right? Well, I failed to inform you that I’m pretty certain that I was born on Neptune. I ordered the tea from Amazon perfectly. It arrived in two days with Prime.

And because Becky is the most caring human on Earth, she literally bought for me a big stainless steel pot and glass jar. Because she knows that I own neither of these items, LOL!

I don’t own measuring tools, either, except for a Tbsp and several smaller sizes heart-shaped kit that I received as gift from a bridal shower some years ago. It’s a very pretty piece, and metal, so I kept it. Thus, I needed to convert the measurements of tea ounces to tbsp (annoying headache – but I did it). And, in good news, luckily for me, the pot from Becky featured a 1 Gallon measuring line. Hooray!

She was so fucking confused.

So I started. I started my task of boiling water. And one hour later, nothing had boiled. I was literally moving the pot on the stove, pressing it down hard, increasing the surface temperature to super high. And only a few bubbles existed. WTF. I had literally evaporated 1.5 Liters of expensive Fiji water, and nothing was boiling. I was convinced that my rarely-used stovetop was broken. And I was so HANGRY for lunch that I said, “Fuck this shit,” and I turned off the heat, moved the pot to an unheated area of the surface, and stomped my foot. And then it hit me.

I FORGOT TO USE THE LID.

LOLOLOL.

So I called Becky immediately to report, “I am a fucking idiot.”

😂

And because I’d need to be awake 12 hours after initial boiling time, I didn’t trust myself to rise in the middle of the night – when I sleep, I sleep hard. So I said, “Screw this! We’ll try again tomorrow.”

Later that night, we had delicious takeout sushi from the China Palace of Sewickley. Yum yum. Oh and I did try to boil the water again, but I didn’t trust myself to stay awake for the boiling completion, again keeping the boiling date postponed to the morning. You can see the heat in the pot. But I ended it. Ha ha ha.

Next morning, boiling success!

Fuck yeah! Look at all of these special requirements! It was like baking a wedding cake!

Or Thanksgiving dinner, LOL.

Of course I have no huge spoon, so I used a knife for the stirring.

She was very very very confused. And beautiful. One day later. 😂

But you know of what? In the one week that both SHE and I had been drinking this tea, ALL OF HER TUMORS SHRUNK, 2 of 4 disappearing completely, the remaining 2 being lipomatous. I firmly believe that it’s due to her amazing holistic care by Dr. Maro, but it is also because of the tea. Why do I suspect the tea? Keep reading.

Twelve hours later and it was time to party. Both with dinner and with the final boil of the tea! LOLOLOL. Yes, my big culinary accomplishment of my life: boiling of water and creation of tea. OMG I am such an idiot, I know. Dinner, PIZZA.

By Daiya, specifically the glorious Cheeze Lover’s PIZZA!!!!!!!!!

You can see that Gwendolyn is running around like bonkers – this is the most production that our kitchen has seen EVER, lololol!!

The sauce is Organic Strained Tomatoes – who can eat pizza without dipping it into red sauce?

Raw mushroom! Not to cover the pizza. But to dip individually into the sauce (eaten like a french fry).

I don’t have a mesh colander, but my metal version did just nicely.

Tea and pizza. This makes me feel like a chef. Like a winner! LOL.

I bet you want to put this all into your mouth and pronto!!

So here’s the Biggie Smalls. I began practicing Ashtanga yoga on 27 April 2015. Almost three years ago. Mind you, I have been practicing “yoga” since 2009. But when I began practicing of Ashtanga yoga, this little bump appeared on my back. Something about the potency of Ashtanga brought this “tumor” to the surface of my body, much like the rabies vaccination did with tumors to Gwendolyn’s. But I’ve ignored it, mostly, for the past almost of three years, until recently, when, on 16 January, I sent a picture of it to my sister. At its most profound state, I felt TUMOR. I saw TUMOR. Do you see the big fucking bump next to my spine?

Well, one week into drinking Becky’s Tea (new name for it, scratch Essiac)… and it receded, grandly.

And now? A fortnight later? I barely notice it.

So not only is my BABY fixed, but I am, too.

Who else will be joining our Becky Tea Party?

Namaste.