in quest of an apple, we drove five miles to the local convenience store, just two hours ago, at 1am. as the audience knows, my apartment is not home to food. the huge pantry, stocked to capacity with boxes of keurig k-cups, will never again know another morsel of food. regardless if it’s a container of organic cranberries or a huge cereal box of peanut butter cap’n crunch, chances are likely that i’d gobble it up… and break my promise to gwendolyn to remain bulimia-free forever.

while driving home, happily munching upon our 1am apple, i became aware of my automobile. aesthetically, one would forecast its very near destination of “trash heap.” but its insides are really, really good, because i care for it. this is deceiving. my friend recently borrowed money from his girlfriend to replace the transmission of his mercedes, with 35 months remaining on his bank loan. my friend’s car is an aesthetic gem, but it sucked on the inside. this is also deceiving.  an automobile’s outside condition is no indication of its inside condition.

most bulimics are like that.

i guesstimate that 99 percent of my acquaintances, including friends, had no clue that i suffered everyday, from sunrise to sunset… suffering also, in between those hours, at 1am, when i drove to the convenience store for pizza and macaroni instead of apples. after hopping up and down the scale for the first seven bulimic years, i had learnt, for the remainder of my bad years, to control the weight and play a great role in society as, “the girl who is so healthy,” as “the girl who can eat whatever she pleases and stay thin.” surprise.

i’m not the mother of human children, but I ponder, “what if dogs could experience these issues? what if gwendolyn lived a secret, deceptive life for greater than a decade, being self destructive, damaging herself, physically, socially, and mentally?” the prospect of such an innocent being having pain is terrible. i can only imagine of how my parents felt.

nobody wants to see their kid get wrapped up in this. unfortunately, my parents did. my mission is to warn the other families, the yoga mothers with young children, before they head down the path of hell… the school teachers who overhear comments about dieting… the best friends who might lose in the case of best friend v. eating disorder. time is so precious and cannot be recaptured once lost. that’s why i’ve settled on giving Gwendolyn one fabulous adventure, one for each day of her life. and I’m blogging about it. i’m giving her everything, my all, because she saved my life.

before it all began. 1998.
face is swollen from vomiting, 2008.
today, as healthy, happy girls. 🙂

© nicole marie story and, 2011.